Official!!!

I actually started this blog last week and it was titled "Unofficially Official"!!  Two weeks ago we got some news.  I emailed our social worker about a few things and in the email I asked if his agency had any more questions for us.  A few weeks ago they emailed some questions they had after reading our home study.  We sent our answers but of course didn't hear anything back.  She emailed me back and said that she had heard back from them...they took him off the waiting child list.  That was HUGE news.  That is actually a major answer to prayer.  This means that NO ONE else will know that he is available for adoption.  He isn't "waiting" for anyone any more!  Originally we were told that he would not be taken off their list (our agency had already taken him off their internal list because they already approved us) until after immigration approval.  They changed that policy about a month ago and they began looking at our home study before we were approved.  When I read that email from our social worker I thought "hmmm...that is good news."  I didn't really even tell many people.  I told one friend and she couldn't believe I wasn't jumping up and down with excitement.  I guess I was just scared that it wouldn't stick or that for some reason Immigration wouldn't approve us (crazy right?).  So I just kind of mentioned it to a few people and that was it. 
Then last week we went to a marriage class (it counted as part f the 30 hours of "training" we have to have before all of this is done) and I asked our social worker to clarify what she meant when she said "they took him off the waiting child list."  She looked at me with confused eyes so I clarified my question.  I said "I need you to be very clear with me right now.  Does that mean that NO ONE else can come along and adopt him?  This is actually going to happen for us."  She said "YES!  He is reserved for you alone.  He is going to be yours."  My eyes welled up, but I remembered that I had to get through a class so I held it in.  I couldn't really concentrate on the class though!  But then when I left...I really didn't get too excited.  In fact I forgot to tell B what she said (he wasn't in the room)!  Another interesting thing that happened that night was that she asked us about our Immigration approval and screamed when I told her we didn't have it yet.  It was supposed to take 4 to 6 weeks and it had been 9!  We called Immigration once and they told us they had 90 days to approve it.  I told her that and she got very angry and said that was incorrect.  We didn't know to question it.  We just said OK to the 90 days and didn't think anything else about it.  We had already waited over 60...what was another month.  As you can imagine...we are pretty much experts on waiting!  She contacted them the next day and they said they would get right on it.
So today when I got home from work B showed me the Immigration approval letter!  At first we just high-fived it (classic Katie and Brian style).  Then I decided I should probably text a few people to tell them.  Then I thought of a few more people.  People started calling me screaming with excitement.
To really explain my lack of excitement I will have to explain THE GREAT WALL OF KATIE...and that might have to be in another post sometime.  But basically it is me guarding my heart.  As anyone knows who has struggled with conception or who has had anything traumatic happen involving a child...anything someone says about children can cause an enormous amount of pain.  ANYTHING.  You never know when it is going to hit...but when it does there is zero emotional control.  My wall has been built brick by brick for many years now. 
Please don't confuse my lack of excitement for a lack of faith.

"With God all things are possible" - Matthew 19:26

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose" - Romans 8:28

You see, I believe in the sovereignty of God.  No matter how this turns out, the way I want it to or not, God will work it out for good...for His good.  I know that and I truly believe it.  If for some reason I don't get this child, God has a plan that will bring glory to Him and that is what I want.  This child already feels like a part of my life.  I pray for him daily and I KNOW God has huge plans for him.  I'm just praying that those plans include me.  If they don't, I will be crushed.  But I have faith that God knows better than I do.  It is not all about me...it is all about Him.  His timing is ALWAYS perfect and He ALWAYS knows best.
My wall is temporary.  I have just lived with it so long now and I'm so comfortable behind it.  I will tell you this...it will all come crashing down with one little hand.  One little hand that I will take in mine by the end of the year. 
He isn't growing under my heart...but in it!

Katie

Paint

We painted our child’s bedroom this week.  It’s kind of a medium to dark brown-ish.  We are calling it the Nestle room because it looks like Nestle Quik.  Painting the room was a good step to make everything seem a little more real.  I’ve never really noticed what people do to prepare when they are expecting a baby.  Mainly, when do they start setting up the nursery or room and when do you start buying things like clothes and toys?  Anyway, we painted the room and we’ve already accumulated a number of items that make our house pretty kid-friendly.  For example, a huge stuffed panda bear.  I know very little about pandas except that if you are adopting a child from Asia you need one.  We also have a collection of size 4T clothes.  Shirts, pajamas, khakis… It’s kind of funny how big they look already.  I mean, a 4-year-old is kind of big for your first child.  Am I going to be able to keep up?  Also, we are starting to get some children’s books.  Katie and I went to Borders this weekend and had a really good time looking at the different books and trying to decide what kind of things he might be interested in.  We are pretty sure he is going to think dinosaurs are really cool.  We know from some of the paperwork that he likes Barney and Elmo.  So obviously we are really going to push the whole dinosaur thing :)  … I think we are doing OK with the process as a whole.  The last few months have been kind of unique because we really want to be excited but because of the unknowns we are still trying to be cautious.  Cautious of what?  I don’t know really.  Do you ever watch the Bachelor?   You know, the gals that get eliminated on the first 2 or 3 shows are going to be OK.  They haven’t really invested much.  But if you get eliminated at the end of the season it’s a pretty big deal.  The longer the potential, the greater the potential loss.  Did I really just relate our adoption to a really lame tv show?  The comparison is not exactly the same.  Mainly because we know that God is sovereign over everything including how and when our family is put together.  And that pretty much sums it up.  God is in control. --Brian

Prints

So we FINALLY went to get our fingerprints made on Monday.  It was hard for me to sleep on Sunday night because I was so ready to go and get it done!  I was driving to the office Monday morning in the pouring rain.  My knuckles were white because I was holding on to the steering wheel so tightly.  I was scared that something would happen and I wouldn't make it there on time.  Then I started thinking about all the flooding that has been going on in Memphis.  I started singing "the rains came down and the flood came up".  Love that song!  The best part "the house on the rock stood FIRM!"  I thanked God that I could stand firm and rest in Him.  I had no control over what might prevent me from getting to the office on time.  It was all in God's hands just like it always has been. 

So we got to the office and went through security.  Then we waited in this big waiting room full of chairs.  Foreigners started coming in and taking seats.  We sat in silence and waited for our names to be called.  I started thinking about how this could be the first of many times we are waiting for some type of approval in a government office.  I can handle it!  This was a nice office, but I know they all won't be like that.  Then I started thinking about how the next time we do something like this we might have a little 4 year old sitting between us.  What will we need to keep him occupied?  Will he be scared?  Will he want to sit in my lap?  So many questions, but they all made me happy.

The lady who made our prints was super nice.  She took our prints and sent them (electronically) off.  Now we are just waiting some more!  One great thing that has happened is that a policy was changed in our favor.  Usually the agency he is with won't look at our home study until after we have been approved by immigration.  Well they changed this and decided it was OK to look at our home study while we are waiting approval so that they will be ready to approve us right after we get it!  What a great idea!!!!  Every day I find myself praying and begging that it is the day we will find out for sure.

                                     

I almost had a panic attack this weekend.  I started thinking that this might not happen.  That this boy wouldn't be mine.  Again I had to hold on to my rock and trust that He will take care of it all.  I think I started panicking because I bought bedding!!  I have purchased some clothes and some toys, but buying the bedding really made it all real.  I have started envisioning his room and him in it.  The fact that this might not happen scares me to death.  But I will continue to hold on to the Rock.  I will cast all my cares on Him.  My faith is strong because of all we have been through and I thank God for all the things He has shown me during this process.
                                     

                                     

I ask that you pray that I will get this child and if I don't that God will continue to bless us and show us what we should do. 
Thanks for reading!
Katie

Pictures

Brian and I decided that we wanted to create cards to give out at the rummage sale so that people would know about our blog.  We thought it would be cool to have pictures made before we get our child and after too.  I also wanted some good pictures for some albums we plan to send to him as soon as we are allowed to have contact with him.  At first I thought we would just get one of our friends to take some candid shots of us and then I remembered that one of our friends was a professional photographer!  So we asked our friend Kellie if she would take some pictures of us and she happily agreed.  We warned her that we were really awkward!!  We went to a park and then she suggested we go to get ice cream.  As soon as she showed me the picture that is on our card and our blog, I knew that was it.  It also helped inspire the name of our blog.  We wanted something fairly easy to remember.  Kellie will always have a place in our adoption story, not just because she took these amazing pictures, but also because of a selfless act she and my friend Meagan did.  Kellie and Meagan found out that they were both pregnant and were due around the same time.  For Kellie this was her second girl and for Meagan this was her third.  Instead of having a shower at church where people brought them gifts, they asked if people would bring the money they would spend on a gift for them and donate it to our adoption fund!  Wow!!  I'm so blessed by all these wonderful people in my life.  Below are some pictures from our photo shoot.  If you live in the Memphis area, please look Kellie up at www.kellieconlonphotography.com.  You can see more of our pictures on her blog.

Thanks Kellie!!!  Can't wait for our next shoot!
Katie
P.S. - I will have a few more posts coming soon.  I just haven't had a lot of time to get all of my thoughts on paper.  Stay tuned!