Updates

JP Health Update
A few weeks ago we met with a cardiologist at a children's hospital here in town.  Brian actually found her on the internet and called her office.  She met with us for free.  I got there first and told her what he has.  Her eyes got very big!  Then B gave her all JP's paper work and she started reading some of it.  She was shocked at what he has and what he has been through.  She asked us if we had a picture of what his heart looks like in our head.  We were like "Uh...no!"  So she drew a picture of a normal heart and his heart.  It was shocking.  Everything is all mixed up but it all works!  She said if one thing was in the right place in him he would be dead but since it is all mixed up it works OK.  She said that the open heart surgeries that he has already had were exactly what she would have done if he was here.  BUT he needs one more and will probably need it this summer.  This was kind of a shock to us because we didn't think he would have to have another surgery until he is a teenager.  There are lots of details and information she gave us, but I won't go into all of that.  Overall, it was a great meeting.  She was amazed at how well he has done with all he has had to overcome.  She said we have a very healthy, hardy boy with a very serious heart condition and she told us not to worry about his future.  With all the technology advances he should live a long and happy life.  We were very encouraged when we left her office.
She also told us that we need to have oxygen on the plane ride.  She thinks he will be uncomfortable in the plane with the oxygen level the way it is.  God truly blessed us, during these 10 years of being married with no kids, with travels.  We LOVE traveling...specifically overseas.  We are pretty good at it too.  But throw a kid into it, a kid we will have only known for a week and everything changes.  And now on top of that we are going to have to take oxygen on the plane!!!  OH MY WORD!!!  I imagine we will have TONS of stuff and I will be standing in the middle of it with my son sitting on top of everything, while B explains to the people at security that we just adopted this boy and we need to bring an oxygen tank on the plane.  Yeah...that is going to go over really well.  We should probably plan on being at the airport 8 hours early!  We will have paper work for all of this of course.  I'm sure it will all work out, but I can just see this playing out in my head.  I'm going to try to remind myself to laugh while we are going through it.

Process Update
We have been waiting on Article 5.  What is that?  I'm not really sure!  All I know is it is a piece of paper that is standing in the way of me and my son.  Anyway...we got it last Monday!!  SO...the only thing we are waiting on is the High Court Order (HCO).  They are saying that should take 6 to 10 weeks.  Then after that it will be another 1 to 3 weeks until we travel.  So we are planning on the end of February.  I keep telling myself March though so if we travel earlier it will be awesome!  We are so close!  I'm still praying for a Christmas miracle though! 

Update On Where I Am In The Process
Well, we have received lots of good news in the past two weeks with the updates above.  I am really getting excited!  But I have to admit that I'm actually pretty sad as well.  You see all year I have been planning this Christmas to be centered around my little boy.  And now that I'm pretty sure that isn't going to happen, I find myself very emotional.  B and I went to look at Christmas lights a few nights ago and I couldn't help being sad that this was not the year I was going to show them to a little boy sitting in the back seat.  I have dreamed about this all year and now I have to wait another whole year!!!!  I know what you are thinking..."but you are so close to having him."  Yes, I know that and I am happy about it and the thought of next year.  But can I have a little pity party for a minute?  This is not how the end of this year was supposed to turn out.  I'm not going to lie...I'm mad about it.  I will NEVER understand why this process has to take SO long!!  On January 20th it will have been one full year since I laid eyes on his picture, read his story for the first time, and KNEW that he was for me.  I told myself back then (when they told me I should have him in October) that I could do 9 months because that's what every pregnant woman has to go through.  This was a little different though.  I had seen his picture, read his story, and the only thing standing between us (besides a large body of water) was paperwork!!  And now it has been almost 11 months!  Ugh...frustrating.  OK...pity party over.
We are going to start next year off with a bang though!  So how am I preparing myself for this?  Well, it might not be the way you think.  You see, I'm preparing myself to meet my child, the child I prayed so hard for, the child it has taken us so long to get, the child that is probably going to hate me!  At first anyway.  Oh I have heard stories and seen pictures.  The parents smiling with tears in their eyes and the kids screaming pushing them away!  Seriously.  Think about it.  Everyone knows he is going to be much better off, but he doesn't know that.  All he knows is that these white people are coming to take him away from everything he has known for 4 years.  I would be scared too!  So while I dream about us running towards each other and embracing in a hug that would drop anyone to their knees...I have to face the reality that it isn't going to go down that way.  I have to be sensitive to this process and transition he is going through.  Oh I'm going to hug him...I don't doubt that.  It is just up in the air as to whether he will hug me back or not.   But I have complete faith that this is all going to work out and work out exactly how it is supposed too.  I'm kind of theatrical (in my brain at least) and I know that things never end up the way I imagine.  The only way I know how to prepare myself for this is to pray.  Would you like to pray with me?  Here are some specific requests I have:

• Pray that God would be preparing his little heart for this transition. 
• Pray that God would prepare my heart for this transition!
• Pray for our travels to and from!
• Pray that God would guide us in the medical decisions we will have to make as soon as we get him home.
• Pray for us this Christmas. 
• Pray for God's perfect timing for our travels.  This might sound stupid but we really want the trip to be at a time when our friends can come and meet us.  This normally would not be a problem, but with the Chinese New Year so close to our possible travel date, this could be a very big problem.  We really want them to be there.  Not just for us, but for you as well...because they can take pictures of the first time we meet...even if he is screaming!  We just always envisioned them being there with us and we are praying that God's perfect timing works in our favor.  So even if you think that is a selfish thing to ask...will you please pray for it to happen?

Thanks for reading my rant!  I'm still holding on to my verse.

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed in You, because he trusts in You.  Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock."  Isaiah 26:3-4

Katie

The Day I Said "No"

Another title for this would be “A Hard Lesson in Submission”

I have been meaning to write this for a long time.  Writing about this day is hard.  I can honestly say this day was one of the hardest days of my life…so far.  But, I wouldn’t be where I am today without this day.  Where to start????

Well, I first have to start with some (ok…A LOT…I guess I needed to get all this out) background on my infertility journey.  It is something I struggle with talking about because I have always kept it very quiet.  I didn’t want to go through it and I certainly didn’t want others going through it.  I didn’t want to get any kind of attention from this and I didn’t want to take attention away from all the women at church who were having babies.  Also, Brian and I wanted to follow God’s will and no one else’s.  I know that many people have gone through the same thing and I didn’t want to make a decision based on their experiences and not what God had planned.

We had already made the decision to adopt from China, but the fact of the matter was that I had a disease and HAD to go see a fertility doctor.  My only options were 1) to go on birth control for…forever or 2) try fertility treatments.  So we decided that we should at least try fertility treatments even though no matter what the outcome was we would still adopt from China.  We prayed…A LOT!  We wanted God to lead us through which treatments to take.  We had no idea how to make that decision.  We prayed for a good doctor and we prayed that God would give us blessings to follow what He wanted us to do.  B was absolutely amazing through this whole process.  It was my body and he always gave me the final say and he was so sensitive to my feelings through this whole process.  I went to the first appointment by myself because I knew it would just be a whole lot of tests on me.  They confirmed that I had the disease my OBGYN had diagnosed.  I went into the doctor’s office and he said that his wife had the same disease (at this point I thanked God in my head for the first blessing that showed me we were on the right path).  So he gave me some options and I took them home to discuss them with B.  We decided to only try one kind.  The others were expensive and we felt that it would be better to use that money towards adoption.  So we went back to the doctor and as we told him what our plans were, he agreed with us.  He walked out of the office for a minute and came back in with our first round of shots (yep…I had to give myself shots…my worst nightmare).  He said one of his other patients had ordered them and then got pregnant without using them.  She wanted someone else to have them for free.  I couldn’t believe it.  Ok…this was a HUGE blessing so we HAD to be on the right path.  Have I mentioned that my insurance didn’t pay for any kind of fertility treatment?!  So we started the treatments. 

I took the pregnancy test the Tuesday before Thanksgiving 2007.  I need to mention that I was in a pretty deep depression during this time.  My parents had just moved to the other side of the world and so did my best friends.  We had moved to my parents’ house out in the country.  I felt very lonely and slipped into a deep depression.  AND it seemed like everyone was asking me when and if I was pregnant!  When you think about asking someone that...don't!  Ok?  So I took the test and it was negative.  I wasn’t as sad as I thought I would be.  I went into survival mode.  I told myself it was no big deal.  We would just try again (one more time).  This was God’s will and we were still on the right path.  I was OK.  I sent a text to a few people who knew.  My mom called and I was strong (I always try to be strong for my mom).  Then I called my friend (on the other side of the world!).  Something told her it was negative.  As soon as she picked up the phone I was crying and she was crying.  I got off the phone and was OK.  I was strong.  I would get through this and tough out another round.  That round was set to take place the day after Thanksgiving…my first Thanksgiving without my parents (the one where we cut into my turkey and it was raw…great and funny story that we reminisce about quite often).  That day B said that he thought we should wait another month before we went through another treatment.  He thought I needed time to rest and we needed to just step back for a month and wait.  Now comes THE day.

The day after Thanksgiving 2007.  The day I said “no” to my husband and to my Lord.  I was determined to get through another treatment.  So I ignored my husband’s plea to wait a month and I set out to the fertility office that morning by myself.  It was PACKED!!!  I went up to the desk and the receptionist told me how much I owed for this treatment.  Well, I was shocked to find out that it was double the cost of the first one (I’m still not sure why).  I reached for my phone to call B and figure out how we were going to pay for this only to find that I forgot to bring my phone.  So I had to call right there…in front of the receptionist and everyone in the office.  I told him how much and he said to put it on the credit card.  They didn’t take our card type!  So he moved the money from our savings online into the checking account.  Now…I’m stressed out and this should have been another sign (because my husband’s plea was not a big enough sign to me).  But NO…I was stupid and determined to get this over with!  So I go in to have my ultrasound done (they do that before and after every treatment).  The technician was not her normal chipper self.  She left the room and got my nurse.  The best thing about going through this process is that you get assigned one nurse.  She knows everything about you and you can call her at any time about anything.  She came in and told me that one of the over 100 cysts I have, had taken all of the medication and was extremely large.  I would have to go on birth control for the next month to make it go down.  I of course burst into tears at that moment.  Not because I had to wait another month but because in that moment I realized I had not listened to my husband and that I had not obeyed God because of that.  I left bawling.  Driving down the interstate barely seeing the road.  Wishing I could call anyone.  B, my mom, one of my best friends, Jana, who I knew would come and get me right away.  Instead I had to pull myself together enough to walk through my living room where B’s mom, dad, grandpa, and grandma sat.  I walked right by them, ran straight to my room and curled up in a ball on the bed.   B came in and I apologized for not listening to him.  He is so understanding!  I’m extremely thankful that even though I was a very defiant girl, God did not let me leave His will.  I learned a very valuable lesson in submitting to my husband.  He is the spiritual leader of our house and I really don’t envy him!  I’m thankful that he seeks God’s will and wants so desperately for us to live in His will always.  Never again have I defied him like I did that day and I pray I never do.  If you are reading this and don’t agree with submitting to your husband, please read what the Bible has to say about it.  It works because it is the way God designed it.  He is the great architect of life and this is part of our life.  

We did not go through another treatment.  We decided that we would only pursue adoption…and now we are just a few months away from adopting the coolest kid in Hong Kong!

Brian, thank you for being the man God wants you to be and the man I need you to be.  I love you babe and will follow you to eternity and beyond! 

Katie