Thoughts of a mother

As J's surgery looms closer I can't help but think about his birth mother.  I often think of her, but she has been in my thoughts and prayers more often recently. 

When we first received J's referral we were under the impression that his parents split right after hearing all the medical problems he had.  Anyone with basic knowledge of Chinese culture knows about the one child policy and how, because of this policy, most people want perfect (a birth mark is known as a special need) child.  So it wasn't hard for me to believe that his parents left as soon as they heard their son wasn't perfect.  It made me angry and mad until a friend told me that the quality of life had to mean something to them because they actually had him.

We know that he was his parents SECOND child.  He has an older brother.  In order to have a second child they probably had to go into some sort of hiding.  And then to actually give birth to him they had to spend a lot of money to go to Hong Kong (which is not considered China and multiple children are allowed) to have him.  To go through all of that and then find out that he had some serious problems must have been heart breaking.  While in HK we found out that they didn't sign off on him for a month.  My thought over the past week has been..."what were they doing during that month?"

They were in the hospital that whole month.  Watching their newborn son, who they had already sacrificed so much for, go through so much.  What were they thinking?  Were they scared of the family humiliation they might face at home?  Were they concerned about the money?  When did they first think to leave him?  Since they waited as long as they did, I KNOW they must have loved him and I'm sure the sacrifice they made of leaving him there was the hardest thing they have ever done. 

Then I think about his brother.  I imagine that he is something very special if they wanted to have another child just like him.  How did he handle this sacrifice?  What is he like?  Does he look like J?  Does he ever think of his brother?

My mind of course always goes back to the mother.  I can't imagine the pain she went through leaving her son in that hospital knowing she would never see him again.  I imagine that she is still in pain.  Does she think he is dead?  Does she think he is in an orphanage?  I pray she feels a peace that he is loved and being taken care of.  I pray God is giving her a peace now more than she has ever had.  I pray that if she doesn't know Him that somehow through the experience of losing her son, she has come to know His Son.

I know J will ask all of the questions and more when he is older.  We were told to tell him that his parents loved him very much.  I really hope we all one day get see his parents and tell them how much their sacrifice meant to us and for all of us. 

I'm so thankful for this mother.  The woman whose womb God chose to knit my son in.  Because of her I have the best gift God has ever given me.  The only way for me to repay her is to pray everyday that she knows about God's sacrifice for her.  And if I don't get to meet her here...maybe I will meet her in eternity.

Katie