Living on the edge

So here is where we are in the adoption process.  Our home study is done.  Before I started this journey I thought the home study was where the social worker would come and visit your home...well that is only a piece of it (and actually just a small piece).  There are tons of forms to fill out and documents to gather.  There was one weekend where I had our whole life spread across the den floor.  It went from our birth certificates, to our diplomas, to our retirement plans with lots of stuff in between.  Our social worker took all of that information and wrote our story.  Ours was 11 pages.  It was very weird to read it and think about how much she knows about both of us!!  So that process is done.  We have been approved by all areas of our agency and we are currently waiting on approval from Immigration.  We sent our paperwork to them in the middle of March and we were told it takes about 6 weeks to approve it.  They shoot for 4 weeks, but haven't made it to that yet.  So I have been thinking that we will have that approval at the end of April.  After we have that approval we will be able to "lock in" our boy.  Right now we are pretty close to that.  Our agency has taken him off the Waiting Child list and they are not letting anyone else see him.  His agency knows how interested we are and they are not referring him to anyone else.  However...they can.  There is nothing legally binding them to not refer him to someone else.  We really don't think they will, but they could.  So I'm anxious to have the approval from immigration so they will NOT be able to refer him.  During the 6 weeks of waiting for the approval we are supposed to get a letter with our appointment to have our fingerprints made.  No matter when it is, we have to drop whatever we have planned and go.  I was hoping we would get the schedule last week and we did.  I was driving to church Wednesday night and B called to tell me we got it.  I asked him when the appointment was scheduled for and he said "May 2nd."  I screamed!!  WHAT??? MAY 2ND??  I thought this would all be over by then.  I have no idea how long it will take them to offically approve us after we get our fingerprints made.  I was completely discouraged.  B on the other hand...cool and calm.  He said "well at least we have some sort of progress."  Of course he was right.  I reminded myself of Isaiah 26:3-4

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed in You, because he trusts You.  Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock." 

As anyone who has gone through this process knows and as anyone else can imagine...there is NEVER a perfect adoption.  We have been very fortunate that ours has gone this fast.  I tend to forget that!  I just want it to go faster!  We waited to start this process for so long that I'm just ready for the end result.  But during this whole journey we have learned so much and been so blessed.  I wouldn't give that up for anything.  I want to see what else He blesses us with.  I want all the scoops of joy!

I feel like I live every day on the edge.  I'm on the verge of having all of my dreams and prayers answered and having them ripped out from under me.  Some days I let myself get so excited about how this year might end!  Then other days I practically shake all over wondering if it will really happen.  We have always been very private.  I was scared to tell people we were starting the process because what if things didn't turn out the way they were supposed to.  We were very scared to tell people about the possibility of getting this little boy.  What if it doesn't happen?  What if we don't get him?  We got all of these peoples hopes up and I hate letting people down.  I'm very glad we did tell.  I want people to experience this with us.  But I live each day on edge.  Will this end the way I want it to and pray it will?  Or does God have something else planned.  Of course I know whatever He has for us will carry out His perfect plan.  Some days I have to remind myself of that.

Well...I'm tired so I'm going to sign off.  I hope I didn't ramble too badly.  These are just my thoughts.  I will leave you with some pictures from our last trip to China.
Katie