Living on the edge

So here is where we are in the adoption process.  Our home study is done.  Before I started this journey I thought the home study was where the social worker would come and visit your home...well that is only a piece of it (and actually just a small piece).  There are tons of forms to fill out and documents to gather.  There was one weekend where I had our whole life spread across the den floor.  It went from our birth certificates, to our diplomas, to our retirement plans with lots of stuff in between.  Our social worker took all of that information and wrote our story.  Ours was 11 pages.  It was very weird to read it and think about how much she knows about both of us!!  So that process is done.  We have been approved by all areas of our agency and we are currently waiting on approval from Immigration.  We sent our paperwork to them in the middle of March and we were told it takes about 6 weeks to approve it.  They shoot for 4 weeks, but haven't made it to that yet.  So I have been thinking that we will have that approval at the end of April.  After we have that approval we will be able to "lock in" our boy.  Right now we are pretty close to that.  Our agency has taken him off the Waiting Child list and they are not letting anyone else see him.  His agency knows how interested we are and they are not referring him to anyone else.  However...they can.  There is nothing legally binding them to not refer him to someone else.  We really don't think they will, but they could.  So I'm anxious to have the approval from immigration so they will NOT be able to refer him.  During the 6 weeks of waiting for the approval we are supposed to get a letter with our appointment to have our fingerprints made.  No matter when it is, we have to drop whatever we have planned and go.  I was hoping we would get the schedule last week and we did.  I was driving to church Wednesday night and B called to tell me we got it.  I asked him when the appointment was scheduled for and he said "May 2nd."  I screamed!!  WHAT??? MAY 2ND??  I thought this would all be over by then.  I have no idea how long it will take them to offically approve us after we get our fingerprints made.  I was completely discouraged.  B on the other hand...cool and calm.  He said "well at least we have some sort of progress."  Of course he was right.  I reminded myself of Isaiah 26:3-4

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed in You, because he trusts You.  Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock." 

As anyone who has gone through this process knows and as anyone else can imagine...there is NEVER a perfect adoption.  We have been very fortunate that ours has gone this fast.  I tend to forget that!  I just want it to go faster!  We waited to start this process for so long that I'm just ready for the end result.  But during this whole journey we have learned so much and been so blessed.  I wouldn't give that up for anything.  I want to see what else He blesses us with.  I want all the scoops of joy!

I feel like I live every day on the edge.  I'm on the verge of having all of my dreams and prayers answered and having them ripped out from under me.  Some days I let myself get so excited about how this year might end!  Then other days I practically shake all over wondering if it will really happen.  We have always been very private.  I was scared to tell people we were starting the process because what if things didn't turn out the way they were supposed to.  We were very scared to tell people about the possibility of getting this little boy.  What if it doesn't happen?  What if we don't get him?  We got all of these peoples hopes up and I hate letting people down.  I'm very glad we did tell.  I want people to experience this with us.  But I live each day on edge.  Will this end the way I want it to and pray it will?  Or does God have something else planned.  Of course I know whatever He has for us will carry out His perfect plan.  Some days I have to remind myself of that.

Well...I'm tired so I'm going to sign off.  I hope I didn't ramble too badly.  These are just my thoughts.  I will leave you with some pictures from our last trip to China.
Katie

Rummage Sale

This weekend our church had a rummage sale to help us raise money for the adoption.  There were many people involved in planning and making this happen.  It would be impossible to thank everyone who helped.  The only thing I can say is that we are heavy with thanksgiving right now.  Last week we sent a check for $3500 to our adoption agency for a bill that was due.  The rummage sale yesterday raised just over $3500.  The funny thing is we've had a couple of adoption bills due lately.  Even though I would be the first to say "God will provide", the last week or so I have felt a little stress just due to the uncertainty of what other expenses will come our way.  I know God will provide, but I still worry about it.  And I'm intelligent so I do this in other areas too, not just money.  You know, I will worry about things even though God has shown me over and over how faithful He is.  But here I am again, completely blown away with how God provided.  You could say it was a coincidence that our sale raised the same amount as our bill last week but this has God written all over it.  He has really used that to comfort me.  I know the financial aspect keeps a lot of people from considering adoption and I understand that completely.  But seeing how God has abundantly provided for us I feel like I am constantly asking forgiveness for ever worrying about it.  When God is putting a family together He pays for it. 

This weekend I wanted to share something with the folks that helped with the sale but there was never a good time I guess.  And it's still a pretty emotional thing for me anyway so I'm not sure how far I would have gotten before it got awkward for everyone.  Anyway, last week I was at Fedex Office making copies of our potential* child's medical records.  150 pages of information.  Some of it was in Chinese, part of it was lab results that I didn't know what it meant, the other pages I just sort of flipped through looking for something interesting.  At the machine next to me was an Asian man.  I felt bold so I asked him if he could translate my child’s name and tell me what it meant.  He was nice and politely told me he was from Korea.  Lesson learned.  Back at my copy machine, hoping the nice Korean man was about done, I started reading one of the documents in my stack of paper.  The document was a summary statement of my child’s condition when he was 6 months old.  It was about 6 or 7 paragraphs.  The last paragraph I cannot get out of my mind.  It says:

____  ____ was born in Hong Kong.  His parents are Mainland residents.  They do not have a permanent Hong Kong address.  They have already signed off this child.  He is currently waiting placement.  He was admitted on day one of birth and has been here since then.

They have already signed off this child.  He is currently waiting placement.  They have already signed off this child.  He is currently waiting placement  They have already signed off this child.

This child has never known anything about a father or mother.  He was 6 months old and had not yet had his picture placed in a family album.  When he cries someone who is on the clock will help him. 

We have prayed for the caretakers that will be around our children since we knew we wanted to adopt.  From the information we have, it seems that our prayers have been answered.  But not being there it is hard to know for sure. 

I cannot get over how it must be for a child to be so alone.  It must be difficult, but that is all he has ever known.  His family right now are the other kids in his facility.  We know he has a best friend.  Thank God for that.  We know he likes the speech therapist and he waits for her on the day she visits.  He loves to play on the playground.

But he's never had a father pick him up when he skins his knee.  He's never had his artwork featured on the family refrigerator.  He's never had his mom brush her fingers through his hair and tell him she loves him.  He's never fallen asleep in the car and then been taken to his own bed to be tucked in.

But he will.  He will.  Soon.

__________________________________________ 

*potential sounds so legal.  I might as well say alleged.  This is difficult.  We don't know for sure that he is our's yet, but as far as we're concerned he is.  And we're already getting his room ready in our house.  We love him more than we ever thought the two of us could love anyone.  And even though he has probably never seen one, I kind of feel like he would know how to use it if anyone ever gave him a light saber.  Which we may or may not have plans to get him one in the future.

Perfect Timing

One thing you don't know about our little boy is that he has congenital heart disease.  We don't talk about it too much because we don't want it to define him and we don't want that to be the thing people think about or focus on when they see him.  We knew that he had this the moment we were told about him.  We communicated with our pediatrician through phone calls and emails.  We had our first face to face meeting with her on Tuesday night.  Below is what I wrote on Wednesday.

We met with our pediatrician last night.  It went really well and I like her a lot.  She is from the Ukraine and she has worked with lots of adopted children.  First off she told us that we had wonderful information on him.  She said she never sees that much on a child.  She doesn’t think they are hiding anything from us.  I guess they could be, but we really don’t think so.  We have records of every time he has seen a doctor or been in a hospital.  We went through all of the paper work together (she didn’t have a chance to look at it beforehand).  The first thing she told us was that his organs are on the reverse sides!  His insides are basically a mirror image of everyone else.  She said this isn’t a problem, just something we need to be aware of and notify any doctors of.  She said all of his organs are working properly except his heart.  His first open heart surgery was to put shunts in on both sides of his heart.  2 months after that surgery they found out they had damaged a nerve and his diaphragm was not moving.  It should move with his other organs.  So they had to go back in and repair it.  He also had to have another open heart surgery to adjust the shunts at the end of 2008.  That was his last surgery.  Since then he has had bronchitis twice and was in the hospital 5 days with pneumonia.  He might have some asthma because of this.  She said the oxygen level in his blood still appears to be low.  She said that if he was in the states, our doctors would suggest another surgery and we will probably have to look into that when he gets here.  Basically he isn’t getting enough oxygen to his brain.  This could affect his IQ later in life or it might not.  She said she has seen children adjust to their levels.  Still, we will want to get a doctors opinion here and discuss fixing that.  He had an upper respiratory infection most of last year, but she said that was just because he was in a day care 24/7.  He is currently on 4 different kinds of medications, but he will not have to be on those for the rest of his life.  She normally recommends people waiting a couple of weeks before they bring the child to see her, but she wants us to come in the day after we get home.  She needs to do an entire work-up on him so she can make sure the reports are correct and the medicines he is on are what he needs. 

We went into the appointment knowing that nothing she said would change our minds on adopting him.  There were definitely times in our meeting where it was a little overwhelming.  It is hard to sit there and think about what all he has been through.  She was very encouraging though.  She said he has been through so much for a little boy, but he has been through the very worst.  Nothing should be as bad as what he has already been through.  Brian asked her how our life will be different with him as compared to a child who does not have these problems (great question I think).  She said that he cannot play contact sports (so ice hockey is out).  We will have to monitor him during activities, but she doesn’t think he will be a sickly child who just lies around the house all the time.  She said he was perfectly fine to go to school and be involved in pretty much anything he wanted to.  She thinks he will definitely become healthier when he gets here, but his doctors have done a great job.  She said it is very impressive.  He will have to have another open heart surgery at some point.  As he grows, his shunts won’t.  So they will have to be adjusted again.

We left the office with nothing but joy.  We weren’t discouraged in the least.  In fact, for the first time I heard Brian say “I’m proud of my son”.  He is a fighter…that is for sure.  I started thinking about God’s PERFECT timing last night and it hit me.  The day Brian confirmed to me that we were supposed to adopt from China , was the day he was born!  Pretty amazing!!!  There were so many times where I wondered why I had to wait so long before I had children.  Well, it wasn’t so much giving birth to children, just having one of my own.  I would cry on the way to work many mornings.  I would first throw myself a pity party and then I would focus on God’s love for me.  He just loves me so much (“Oh how He loves me”)!!!  I would feel His presence and then I would focus on praying for my child.  I look back and wonder if MY little boy was going to sleep in pain right then and he needed me to pray for him.  I’m so thankful for an omnipresent God who could be comforting me and my child at the same time even though we were on opposite sides of the earth.  And to think about how I could have entered the adoption program back then (you only have to be 25 to adopt from Hong Kong ), but God told me to wait until I was 30.  If I had not waited, I might not be able to get this little boy and I would definitely not have had all of these experiences that have made me realize how (just to name a few) awesome, mighty, loving, forgiving, patient, all-knowing, sovereign, peaceful, perfect, and comforting my God is.  He continues to pour His mercy, blessings, and joy on me even though I don’t deserve it.

My God REIGNS!

Katie